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What would have happened, I wondered, if I had made different choices at various times during my life? If I hadn't climbed that tree when I was 9, falling and shattering my arm, what would have been different? If I'd buckled down and applied for scholarships in high school I would probably never have met my first wife — what would the rest of my life have been like then? Would I ever have met my second wife, who, while I was musing, was starting to help put dinner together, if I hadn't joined the Navy — even though I didn't meet her until long after I was out?The big question, though, was the one that stayed with me for the rest of the evening: What would my life have been like if I'd fought to stay with my father and stepmother in Denver rather than being shuffled off to stay, supposedly just for the summer, with my mother and her new husband in Tacoma? That change cost me my few friends — there were never many — and set me on a direct course to those musings on that fateful Tuesday.. So I did my usual. I pouted. I took a book and a beer and went to bed. I woke up a few hours later with my bookmark lost and my half empty beer warm on the nightstand. You weren’t there, so I went looking for you. I found you in your chair, eyes closed, breathing softly. To the untrained eye, it would appear you had fallen asleep there. But my eye is not untrained. You are the lightest sleeper I know. When I roll over in bed and wrap up behind you, you always grab my hand and pull it close to your heart. I didn’t even attempt to be quiet on my way to the den. I know you heard me. But if you’re feigning sleep to avoid me, then I know I probably don’t want to hear what you have to say. Monday morning rolled around and your side of the bed was cold. My side was a mess because I tossed and turned the few hours I could make myself stay in that big bed all alone. When I walked into the bathroom I could see you had already showered and shaved. The shower stall doors were still wet, and I.
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